Okay...... I am not lost. I am still in complete possesion of me. Sure, I no longer have the time or energy to debate the existence or non exsitence of nothingness (Parmenides). Not having the time or energy to absorb myself with myself, did not lead to my cessation. I am stil here; I am still me. I am just preoccupied by other thoughts and desires that are not my own, and this captivation has forced me to act differently.
Example:
Babies wake up Mommy early.. (I think my girls are under the impression that they are in charge of waking up the sun)
Feed Babies
Clean Babies
Change Babies
Clean everything in and around babies
An occasional request from the teenager (Mom, can you take me here? Can you take me there? Can you? Can I? Can we?)
Squeeze in a few minutes to run the business 'somewhat.'
Feed Babies
Clean Babies
Okay, you get the picture. Not a lot of time to contemplate philosophical truths or non truths.
Life before babies, I would of went about my plans for the day without any real distraction, except distractions of my own choosing, therefore, no forced alteration.
I have been preoccupied enough to change who I am.
Now, to enjoy my days I must make the MUNDANE MAGICAL. With young children this is simple. Just try looking at life through the eyes of young children. Their hands are not dirty; they are submersed in this fantastic, gooey, sticky substance (yogurt); and, wow, I wonder what will happen when I smash this substance all over my arms.
To get through the thousands of meals and snacks that babies eat, or dress themselves with, until they are truly devolopmentally capable of eating properly; one must have PATIENCE, and be RELAXED about cleanliness.
To find joy and teach happiness, one must comprise with the chosen activities of the day. You cannot have young children and not PLAY. I mean really PLAY. Twirl, dance, dress up, run, jump, skip, sing, throw rocks in a pond (or if your my child, your babydoll stroller).
To accomplish anything one needs to accomplish, one must make the most out of every nap or moment when the babies are somewhat self sufficient. You must LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Even if it is only 15 minutes before they wake up, you will cherish that 15 minutes more than you used to cherish a whole day.
To stay sane, one must TAKE CARE OF ONESELF. Find the 1 hour a day to exercise, or write, or learn something new.
To enjoy your relationship with your teenage girl, you must be OPEN-MINDED. Sure, purple in your hair is great idea. Um, I kinda like this song. Yea....you want to (fill in the blank).
Last but not least, one must have FAITH. Without true FAITH one can be overcome with FEAR, because now you are in charge of caring for these beautiful, precocious girls, who you love with a love so strong, so true, so captivating just the thought of them not being in your life can literally and instantly bring a tear to your eye.
I have Reinvented myself because of my girls. The person I am now, I am just getting to know; but I am sure this new person is better than she was before.
Thanks Girls
Katie - You are an amazing women, an amazing daughter and an even more amazing mother. Mundane tasks that no one seems to notice but God are the ones that bring the most pleasure when done not for oneself, but for the one your are serving. I thank God that you have such selfless priorities in a world that pushes self first. No my dear daughter you are not lost - you are growing into the women that God has created you to be - I know putting God first through faith, the rest falls into place even when you cannot see it. I love you - Mom
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