THE ROAD TO

My path has been rocky, and the climb treacherous. I am ready, I am willing, and I am confident that I am on my way out of the hell of darkness, confusion, chaos, and despair. I know that my God/dess will bring me to a new existence where peace is abundant and love is queen. It is as if I am almost at the end of the road out. I have only a few steps left. I am tired, and I am ready for my new beginning—the road to. The road out is also the road to. The road out does not just end; a new path begins. I have been so consumed with the task of moving beyond my chaotic and soul-sucking existence that I have forgotten that there is a path to freedom, joy, love, and peace, where I am filled with ecstasy that is not based on external factors but simply on what I am. I am an image of the Goddess. I am an image of pure light, love, joy, and peace. My life is a reflection of beauty. I have the strength of the Creator of the universe within me. I do not need to continue to control the elements. I know that my God/dess is in control and will provide all I need, externally and internally. I can rest, and I can release all the pain, darkness, and fears that have been my polestar. My new polestar is pure love, freedom, and joy—forever and ever. Amen.

RIVER OF DELIGHT

When I let life flow through me as freely as I allow my breath to continue keeping me alive, this is when I can be fed by the river of delights that is a gift from my Creator to me. Letting the light of the Goddess who created me fill my soul and flourish the moments of my life is how I can be saved from my own foolishness. The river of delights that naturally flows through me will lead me to an abundance of peace, joy, and love. To be free is to let this flow open the dark doors of deceit that, in my own fears and desires, I have closed and locked and do not have the ability to open, as the key is not within my own knowledge but can only be found in my surrender. I have spent a lifetime trying to find a path around my cages, which I built in the loneliest and saddest days of my vulnerable childhood. I have looked to others, to outside circumstances, to destructive and disgusting toxic distractions, and to my own inept capabilities in a failed attempt to save myself from myself. Now, instead of this crooked and murderous path, I intend to let the river of delights be my way home.

JUST DON'T DO IT

I am learning that trying to do or be or change is not only exhausting but also unnecessary. There is a power a clarity a peaceful progression in just not doing not trying not focusing on what I think I need to do or be. This way of being is so counter culture to the society I live in and the way I was raised. But it feels right to me because I want to go beyond who I am. I want to grow. I truly believe that humans are similar to trees, flowers, nature in general. We do not have to make ourselves grow. My infant self is not responsible for my getting taller, my hands growing bigger. As a ponder how much involvement I had as an infant in my development, I cannot help but notice that it was my vulnerability and my dependance that led to my growth. Isn’t it true that you learn the most when you are young. Unfortunately, sometimes what you absorb is not always the most effective pathway to peace. But this idea, the concept of absorbing rather than controlling is no less valid. As an adult, I want to embrace the wisdom of God/dess, the Universe, and Mother Nature. I want to sit by the river, sipping tea, savoring the fruit from the trees, and leaving the tree of knowledge to what lies beyond my understanding—so that I may live in ecstasy.

Here comes TESSA

Inner growth, transformation, and true change from within the core of oneself can be achieved through the lessons of daily life. My relationship with the bulldog my daughters and I rescued from the pound has provided a plethora of daily lessons for me to grapple with. Tessa is wounded, and when her wounds are triggered by outside influences like being left alone, a dog that is too close, or overstimulation, a transformation occurs. Tessa is calm, cuddly, soft, and sweet when she feels safe. Tessa is aggressive, strong, and close-minded when she is scared or overstimulated. I see this transformation when we are on our walks. Usually, while walking, Tessa doesn't pull; she stays right by my side, and we walk in tandem with her, stopping to sniff or check out her surroundings on occasion. If a dog is in the vicinity but does not pay her any attention, she may look up but remains calm. As soon as the dog looks at her or shows any signs of wanting to get in Tessa's space, Tessa immediately goes from calm to hyperfocused, strong, sturdy, and ready to fight. Tessa also has significant separation anxiety. When left alone, she has ruined blinds, chewed through doors, destroyed door handles, and broken a crate trying to find an escape. She has been a lot of work. I have to work with her every day so she can be content instead of destructive. I don't know what happened to this sweet girl, but she must have been through some tough times, and that breaks my heart. This relationship between Tessa and me is helping me to see that we all have a past that must be allowed to work itself out so we don't destroy ourselves or others. I have to be patient with myself and with Tessa. There needs to be a healthy structure, boundaries, and lots of love. She is teaching me as much as I am teaching her. The world comes into our being and can quickly trigger our inner hurt, and like the spark of a fire, we become explosive. Unless we allow our inner selves to process our pain, we will destroy what is around us.

Liberation

To live life to the fullest is what I aspire to. I do not want to waste my moments caught up in the personal demons of fear, anger, HATRED. How do I free myself of the negative thoughts that consume my internal space? First, I must be AWARE of these subtle, energetic doses of doubt, untruths, and hidden distractions that take me down the path of discontentment. When I can be in the moment, truly in the moment, being who I am at that time, doing what is in front of me without hesitation, with full confidence in the power of what is, I am who I am meant to be. Mostly, it is about subtracting all the extra thoughts and feelings that seep into my heart and mind to take me out of the moment and into the delusion of my persona. I created this self-concept from pain, fear, and desire. If I can free myself from the weight of her pain, I can be my truth. Powerful, beautiful, loving, and full of a peace that can transform.

"You never forget the truth, you just get better at lying"

"You never forget the truth, you just get better at lying."

When we are young, little kid young, we are true to ourselves. Children know what they want, do not hide what they are feeling, and have no problem letting the people in their life know all about their truth. The thought of lying to the people around them about their truth, is not an option, or thought, that crosses a child's mind.

As an adult, being true to oneself seems more difficult. Trying to be a good mom or dad, husband or wife, friend, business person creates obstacles within yourself for your truth to be clouded by the traits you think you should possess to be the mom, wife, friend, you want to be. Hence, lies about who you truly are.

Although it may be easier said than done, isn't it refreshing to know - to find one's truth, one just has to quit lying.

I love everything I hate about you.

Isn't it interesting when the same quality in one person can create two opposite emotions in another person.

In relationships, people can both love and hate specific character traits in each other. I hate when my better half reacts to obstacles in life with a relaxed attitude when clearly, in my eyes, for the problem to be solved we need to be moving tensely at mach 5 speed. However, my husbands same stoic outlook is also the quiet that calms my passionate storm when I am in a frenzy about stuff I have no control over and cannot change, and therefore, should just relax and let life happen.

When I am feeling frustrated because of a certain action by a loved one in my life, I can turn the negative feeling around by focusing not on the action but the character trait that created the action as normally the trait itself is one that I admire.

If I were to actually write down everything that frustrates me about anyone I am close to, I would see the same actions that can unnerve me at times are created by the traits that attracted me to that person to begin with.

Just a thought...

If your not screwing up; Your not doing much (Part 2)

The "if your not screwing up; your not doing much" parenting principle is fairly simple when your child's screw ups involve paint on walls or toys being left out. When you are attempting, and I do mean attempting, to parent a 14 year old girl, screw ups can be a bit more detrimental to her well being than washable finger paint is to a wall.

Should she be granted the same freedom to fail, or do I protect her from as many mistakes as I can? If I choose the latter, how do I even begin to dictate to a 14 year old girl what she should or should not do without completely destroying the closeness neccessary to provide advice, direction, wisdom.

Fourteen is young -- when your 37, but when your 14, you are almost driving, graduated, out of the house, married. When your fourteen, and in highschool, you are surrouned by 17 and 18 year old immature adults in a place where sex, drug deals, fights, and drinking happen on a daily basis.

Parenting a teenage girl, if done properly, is a feat comparable to solving world peace. I am just begining this new journey with my oldest daugher, and I am taking the route of trying to see her as mature as she sees herself. I know that she truly believes she knows as much, if not more than I do, about the world, and I absolutely cannot force her to see it any other way. I can only try to teach her the lessons I have allready learned, and help her learn the lessons that are neccessary for her own story to be told.

Trying to come to terms with the fact that your child is closer to an adult than a child is tough because the love you feel for your child creates an intense desire to protect her at all costs, but for her to become an independt, secure, successfull adult you have to step back and let her live her life.

So back seat her I come.

(On a side note: "I am sure many accidents have been avoided by a good back seat driver.")

If your not screwing up; your not doing much.

I cannot remember every detail of my childhood. I do not recall every lecture, or consequence, or conversation of my teenage years; but, I do remember one quote that my dad said to me once in my early teens that has truly resonated with me throughout the years. "If your not screwing up; Your not doing much"

Looking back on my younger years, I will admit I did not need to do "so much". I am not going to deny a little more discipline, structure, boundaries may have led me to be more successful, have more brain cells, be healthier, I may not have taken the harder road to where I am today had I "screwed up less". Having said that, I still as an adult raising my own children, truly appreciate the fact that my dad did not break my spirit in the name of being perfect, good, right, clean, well-behaved.

As I write these words, I am also trying to come to terms with my own ideas of child rearing. I want my children to be given the same freedom to fail. The same fearlessness in life that I believe I was given by my dads philosophy of making mistakes; however, I do not know if this is right. How do I limit the chaos that surrounds me, teach my children to respect their things, my things, themselves, and others without demanding them to? And how do I demand certain behavoirs without being forecful, fierce, stringint?

I have been told I am too easy on them. That when they write on walls and not paper I should reprimand more sternly than I do. I have been told they need to be spanked, by more than one person. I want my house to be cleaner, I want them to take better care of the gifts given to them. Overall, I would like a little less mess, but my younger children are just that young. In my eyes, the way I handle the mistakes they make today (writing on walls, yelling, being destructive,) is laying the foundation for how they will react to failures later in life. I do not want them to fear mistakes.

I as a grown adult am still making mistakes; errors that in my attempt to correct I am growing and becoming a better person. Maybe I am wrong; maybe I could have learned these same lessons without making the mistakes that lead to the teachings I am receiving.

Is failure essential to learning life lessons?

We're going to Hollywood....How being "married with kids" relates to an American Idol auditon

Carmen and Lauren: American Idol auditioneers; "besties" 4ever.

The American Idol clip portrays the friendship of these two girls as not just close, but special.

Married Couple: Two people sharing their lives together; true love always.

Partners who spend their days living, laughing, loving.

Carmen and Lauren: They spend all their time together, have a lot in common, and seem to generally have an exceptional friendship. Both girls love to sing; so, of course, the next step to achieving their goals is AMERICAN IDOL.

Married Couple: After meeting and getting to know each other, they both believe this particular person is someone special; and, like most young couples they set off together to achieve the AMERICAN DREAM. Success, Mortgage, Kids.

Carmen and Lauren: "Besties" forever, or at least until one wins an audition and the other doesn't. If body language truly portrays one's true feelings, then based on Lauren's reaction, she would not be able to handle the complex difficulties incurred from the fact that her friend was off to Hollywood without her. Even the 72 coats of foundation could not hide Lauren's complete lack of joy for her "Besties" accomplishment.

Married Couple: In the beginning, their days together consisted of - 4 wheeler rides in Hawaii, hikes in Canada, long talks about their future, cuddling on the couch, movies, wake boarding, snowboarding, hours upon hours of quality time just being together. But the daily "auditions" of demanding children, tedious and stressful business transactions, and most importantly little to no time at the end of the day for just being together, creates tension non conducive to the love that once came so easily.

Carmen and Lauren: Although I am only assuming, as I do not know either Carmen nor Lauren, but based on the AMERICAN IDOL footage, their friendship before the audition seemed idealistically happy and fun; however, after complications involving feelings of jealousy and resentment became part of their relationship, the friendship seemed to instantly transform from special to nonexistent.

Married Couple: Before the complex difficulties that inevitably occur with attempting to achieve the AMERICAN DREAM, most relationships start out as idealistically happy and fun. Fortunately, this is where the similarities between married couples and Carmen and Lauren's friendship can cease. For, although one's married relationship will most likely be revised by consequences that occur during the many "auditions" people face when sharing their lives together, this revision can transform an idealistically happy and fun partnership to a realistically, strong, fulfilling, relationship worthy of lasting a lifetime.

My Dad

Today is my Dad's birthday. If he was still alive, my husband, the kids, and I probably would be going to his house tonight. He would of loved the hand made cards the kids would of made.

My Dad was a good man. He was not perfect, and our relationship was not without blemishes. But, I loved him a lot; and, I miss him. I wish he could be here so my girls could know him.

My Dad was young (early 50's) when he died; and, he left us unexpectedly. The day after Easter 2007 we brought him into the hospital, he was unconscious for a few weeks, then he died.

I want to believe that he knows my girls and is still a part of our lives somehow, somewhere.

Grief is an interesting aspect to life.

Happy Birthday Dad .... I think the girls will still make you a card. I miss you.

"Do go a changin"

I do not know if it is the kids, my age, or if I am just ready for change; but, I truly feel like I need to do some major transforming. I am completely done with some of the old habits I have had for years. These habits are so hard to change. I feel as if I have tried to change them; but, maybe I haven't tried hard enough. How do you change who you are? I am not sure if I should just relax and accept my faults for what they are, or try harder to change them. And really, if I knew how to change these habits, then I would.

In the midst of all this soul searching, I am reading a great book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I love when I find a book that is just what I need at the time. In this book, the author talks about self awareness, and how the human characteristic of being able to take at look at how one sees oneself separates humans from the animal kingdom. We as humans have the ability to think about our own thought process. Because we are not our thoughts, moods, feelings, we can examine our own thought process, and use this self awareness to change habits.

So, this is were I am at. I have some habits- disorganization, procrastination, ineffective multitasking that have become glaringly destructive to my personal achievement. I cannot continue successfully to work from home and take care of my family without changing these (and a few other) habits.

Obviously, I will work on finishing the book, and hopefully, the author has some great ideas on how to change. I also believe prayer is an important aspect in changing oneself. Then whether I accomplish my transformation or not really depends on the choices I make throughout the day.

Thanks for listening cyberspace.

(On a side note.... Like I mentioned earlier, I love when I find a good life changing book. There has been a few in my life.
Journaling
The Big Book
A Return to Love
How about you, I would love to hear of books that were meaningful in your life.)

Who is this chick in my house?

What happened?

No seriously .... what happened?

My little girl is no longer my - little girl. She is a mere reflection of the child who once lived here. Instead of her being completely different than me both physically and mentally, she is closer to being my equal than not.

Realizing that your child is no longer a child, she is like another woman in the house, changes the atmosphere of the home completely. After a few years of tug of war, our relationship has seemed to reach a plateau where we understand each other as an individuals in a mother daughter relationship, rather than mainly concerning ourselves with our role of parent or child.

I am pretty certain there will be some challenges coming as most teenagers need to fight for their adult independence; but, for the time being, I am just contemplating the bitter sweetness of her maturity, knowing that these moments of peace with where we are, as mother and daughter, can be short lived.

Although I do miss her as a child, I look forward to getting to know her as a young adult.

She is a pretty cool chick.

"Gettin HIgh"

The colors surrounding me are brighter; the cold air is not uncomfortable but refreshing.

The beats in my head are mesmerizing.

No thoughts of any responsibilities- not kids, not work, definitely not money.

If life could always feel this free. If only I could hold onto to this feeling during the long days, during the hard times, when I feel like quiting.

Nothing matters for the time being, nothing but the lack of thoughts. A break from all things stressful, mundane, and just plain boring.

My mind is in the present, but my brain is blurred. My mind is not focusing only existing; and, my body is simply going through the motions of fast movement. Heart beating fast, short quick breathe, a nice change of pace.

"Gettin High"

Nothing beats a good run with your daughter's ipod.

Chapman Christmas

Christmas this year for the Chapman's started with my Maddie waking us up to, "Mommy, Mommy, Santa came. Come look." I absolutely love the sweet simple excitement of a child's belief that the gifts under the tree just "arrived." Her joy is pure joy- minus any stress of finances, long lines, traffic, wrapping at midnight. I love that I can vicariously enjoy the same joy through her.

Just as special to me was my eldest child being grateful and excited about her gifts. My fourteen year old has had some major changes in her family life, the addition of not one but two little sisters, take an only child very quickly from the center of attention to a glimpse in passing. Not to mention, her parents adding another non living baby to the family (a business) which for the time being is creating an economic change in her life. She proved she still has a youthful, innocent, kind heart; but, she is mature enough to know that life changes, and with those changes her own desires may not always be met.

My relationship with my man has also been through some major changes. The two B's (Business and Babies) can definitely take a strong relationship and test its strength to the point of breaking. Trying to learn how to work together professionally with the demands of babies thrown into the mix, makes a perfectly happy couple suddenly realize that it takes a lot more than just love to live happily ever after.

Yesterday my man, my children, and I ENJOYED each other as a family. I do feel truly happy and blessed that even though we have had changes and obstacles in our life, I can say that yesterday my man, my children, and I ENJOYED each other as a family.

I do hope that everyone else can say as well that no matter what changes or obstacles you have had that you and yours ENJOYED your day as well.

Sweat the Small Stuff

My daughter's freind just lost her Dad. She is 14 years old, and he died unexpectadly.

Loosing someone you are close to is probally one of the hardest parts of life. This little girl's loss has really got me thinking about what is truly important in my life.

In a way, I think I really should "sweat the small stuff."

Smiling everyday at the people I come in contact with, can change my whole day.

Giving my husband a huge hug when he leaves and when he comes home, really can strengthen our bond.

Asking my teenager how her day was and truly listening to all the jibber jabber (without helpful advice), can make a huge difference in our relationship.

Laughing with my little ones, brings tremendous joy.

Simply doing what I can to enjoy my day, appreciating the people in my life, and taking care of business, without forgeting the "small stuff," is all I need to do today.

A Childs Laugh

I cannot think of anything more mesmerizing, more heart wrenching, more beautiful than a child's laugh. The kind of laugh you get when you are playing hide and seek, and pretend to look in all kinds of crazy places even though you can totally hear them laughing under the covers.
The days with small children can be full of messes, tantrums, fights, and more messes; but, in addition to these tedious demands, I get to experience moments of pure happiness in the simplest acts.
I don't want the tedious demands to ever trump the laughter. My goal is to take care of the day to day chores while creating many moments where me and my kids LAUGH!

Mommy, "Why does santa bring toys?"

Okay, so as I was attempting to collect my thoughts about my role in accommodating my children's belief in santa ,and the effects of totally over indulging our kids with perfectly wrapped boxes filled with failed attempts at material versions of intrinsic pleasures, my preschooler asks, "Mommy, why does santa bring toys?"

I am struggling with how far I want to take my kids on the gift filled, red-nosed reindeer driving, elf toy making Santa train. There are two issues I have with the idea of santa, one is how much do I want to incorporate dishonesty into the whole concept of holidays, santa in particular? How elaborate do I get on the details of "the jolly old fellow who comes down our chimney with a bag full of toys for all the good girls and boys?" Not to mention, Mrs. Clause who is traditionally not even on the train. She doesn't make the toys, drive the sleigh, check the list. (We all no I have a problem with that). Now that I think about it, I probably have more than just two issues with santa; but, for the sake of time, (Dora is only 20 minutes long)I will only write about the dishonesty issue and the problem I have with how many toys kids receive during Christmas.

I love the idea of believing in the magical, whimsical concept of santa. This innocent ability to believe disappears with age. I don't want to rob my kids of this short lived joy. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy the whole concept of believing in fantasy, pretending, stepping out of the constraints of reality. I still remember the unmatched delight I felt as a child when I woke up Christmas morning and believed santa ate the cookies and Rudolph the carrot, I left the night before. The enjoyment received from the fantasy may have surpassed the pleasure received from the gazillion presents under the tree. But how far do you take the illusion, and are there negative effects to untruthfulness even in the light of innocent "make-belief?"

The bigger issue for me is the materialization the santa story can bring to Christmas. My husband is out in the freezing cold right now earning our families finances, do I want to take that hard earned money down to Walmart to buy my daughter the lame ass cupcake maker she sees on TV? I know she wants the toy, the TV tells her how great it is. I also know, however, that when we make cupcakes together, it is way cooler than that lame ass cupcake maker.

Don't even get me started on commercials.

Commercials-- legal kidnapping of your kids brain. Not only do commercials steal your child's completely open, unencumbered, persuadable brain space; but, advertisements fill their brains with lame ass ideas about lame ass toys.

Just shut off the TV, simple as that. Sorry, Dora, or actually the uninterrupted enjoyment Dora brings my kids, is way too tempting. Limit yes, complete elimination; not in my house. Also, I will never be able to completely limit their exposure to all things commercial. Advertisements are everywhere.

Okay, I guess I got started on commercials.

Back to santa, and why he brings us toys (with the help of Mrs. Clause of course). I loved opening my gazillion toys as a kid. Waking up to all the Christmas presents, under the tree, supposedly brought by this great dude and his flying reindeer, brings back fantastically fond memories of childhood. However, I do not want to fall victim to unintentionally destroying my kids inherent elation in basic objects. In our desire to bring enjoyment to our kids through gift giving, we rob them of what they all ready possess, which is pure, true, joy in simple gifts or simple things for that matter. Most kids start out, not just playing, but being completely happy with the box that the toy came in. Until, we bombard with a gazillion toys, then we have to keep topping each present with something bigger, louder, LAMER. Inadvertently, the idea of santa becomes an oxymoron. Instead of the intended pleasure he set out to bring; he brings disappointment. After a few years of absurd amounts of cupcake makers, toy cars, toys that do this, and toys that do that, our kids become overindulged to the point of material congestion. The innocent delight in the simple is replaced with the desire for more, more, more which inevitably leads to discontentment.


I do not have the Chapman family version of santa written completely in my head, yet. I do know I will be cautious of the story I tell, and thoughtful of how our version is played out every December, without sacrificing the innocent magic and pure joy in the concept of a "jolly old fellow (and his wife) bringing toys to all the good girls and boys."

(Because, a preschooler does not wait for you to gather your thoughts or write a blog about your answer to their questions....I did reply "Santa brings toys because he likes to bring joy to kids, and teach kids the joy of giving")

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice?!

My teenage daughter plays on a competitive girls soccer team. Last Sunday, they played a team whose players resembled younger versions of Elizabeth Lambert, the college soccer player who has been all over the news for pulling her opponent to the ground via pony tail. These girls were tough, and they wanted to win.

My daughters team, The Strikers, played smart and aggressive and ended up winning the game; however, the other teams complete lack of anything "girlie" made me think, "Can there be a balance between Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice; and Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails.

I do not want my girls being so competitive and aggressive that they would yank some girl to the ground, via pony tail, just to win a game; however, I don't want them to be so full of sweetness and niceness that they can't stand up for themselves when need be for fear of hurting someone's feelings. Or have any qualms about winning or even competing at a job, position, race or whatever because they don't want to hurt anyone.

I think that women have a lot to offer in all aspects of life not just the family life. I would love for my girls to do or be anything they want (YES INCLUDING PRESIDENT); but, just because it is a man's world does not mean we, as women, have to act like men to be CEOs, Presidents, Managers.

Now, I am not saying all men are ultra competitive and aggressive, but combativeness does seem to be a manly trait. Women tend to be a little softer.

So, all we have to do is learn to win the game, without yanking pony tails, and all will be right in the world.

Not Lost......Reinvented

Okay...... I am not lost. I am still in complete possesion of me. Sure, I no longer have the time or energy to debate the existence or non exsitence of nothingness (Parmenides). Not having the time or energy to absorb myself with myself, did not lead to my cessation. I am stil here; I am still me. I am just preoccupied by other thoughts and desires that are not my own, and this captivation has forced me to act differently.

Example:
Babies wake up Mommy early.. (I think my girls are under the impression that they are in charge of waking up the sun)
Feed Babies
Clean Babies
Change Babies
Clean everything in and around babies
An occasional request from the teenager (Mom, can you take me here? Can you take me there? Can you? Can I? Can we?)
Squeeze in a few minutes to run the business 'somewhat.'
Feed Babies
Clean Babies

Okay, you get the picture. Not a lot of time to contemplate philosophical truths or non truths.

Life before babies, I would of went about my plans for the day without any real distraction, except distractions of my own choosing, therefore, no forced alteration.
I have been preoccupied enough to change who I am.

Now, to enjoy my days I must make the MUNDANE MAGICAL. With young children this is simple. Just try looking at life through the eyes of young children. Their hands are not dirty; they are submersed in this fantastic, gooey, sticky substance (yogurt); and, wow, I wonder what will happen when I smash this substance all over my arms.

To get through the thousands of meals and snacks that babies eat, or dress themselves with, until they are truly devolopmentally capable of eating properly; one must have PATIENCE, and be RELAXED about cleanliness.

To find joy and teach happiness, one must comprise with the chosen activities of the day. You cannot have young children and not PLAY. I mean really PLAY. Twirl, dance, dress up, run, jump, skip, sing, throw rocks in a pond (or if your my child, your babydoll stroller).

To accomplish anything one needs to accomplish, one must make the most out of every nap or moment when the babies are somewhat self sufficient. You must LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Even if it is only 15 minutes before they wake up, you will cherish that 15 minutes more than you used to cherish a whole day.

To stay sane, one must TAKE CARE OF ONESELF. Find the 1 hour a day to exercise, or write, or learn something new.

To enjoy your relationship with your teenage girl, you must be OPEN-MINDED. Sure, purple in your hair is great idea. Um, I kinda like this song. Yea....you want to (fill in the blank).

Last but not least, one must have FAITH. Without true FAITH one can be overcome with FEAR, because now you are in charge of caring for these beautiful, precocious girls, who you love with a love so strong, so true, so captivating just the thought of them not being in your life can literally and instantly bring a tear to your eye.

I have Reinvented myself because of my girls. The person I am now, I am just getting to know; but I am sure this new person is better than she was before.
Thanks Girls