Inner growth, transformation, and true change from within the core of oneself can be achieved through the lessons of daily life. My relationship with the bulldog my daughters and I rescued from the pound has provided a plethora of daily lessons for me to grapple with. Tessa is wounded, and when her wounds are triggered by outside influences like being left alone, a dog that is too close, or overstimulation, a transformation occurs. Tessa is calm, cuddly, soft, and sweet when she feels safe. Tessa is aggressive, strong, and close-minded when she is scared or overstimulated. I see this transformation when we are on our walks. Usually, while walking, Tessa doesn't pull; she stays right by my side, and we walk in tandem with her, stopping to sniff or check out her surroundings on occasion. If a dog is in the vicinity but does not pay her any attention, she may look up but remains calm. As soon as the dog looks at her or shows any signs of wanting to get in Tessa's space, Tessa immediately goes from calm to hyperfocused, strong, sturdy, and ready to fight. Tessa also has significant separation anxiety. When left alone, she has ruined blinds, chewed through doors, destroyed door handles, and broken a crate trying to find an escape.
She has been a lot of work. I have to work with her every day so she can be content instead of destructive. I don't know what happened to this sweet girl, but she must have been through some tough times, and that breaks my heart. This relationship between Tessa and me is helping me to see that we all have a past that must be allowed to work itself out so we don't destroy ourselves or others. I have to be patient with myself and with Tessa. There needs to be a healthy structure, boundaries, and lots of love. She is teaching me as much as I am teaching her. The world comes into our being and can quickly trigger our inner hurt, and like the spark of a fire, we become explosive. Unless we allow our inner selves to process our pain, we will destroy what is around us.
